Blog Post by Jamie Nichols, LMSW
On any given day I play many roles as a mother. Chef (or let’s be honest: short order cook), maid, hairstylist, teacher, mediator, activities director, jungle gym, chauffer, kisser of booboos, Kleenex (please tell me we have all been there), advocate, party planner, nurse, protector, disciplinarian, story teller, spontaneous dance partner, juggler, negotiator… the list could truly go on and on. I am not unique in this; all mothers wear a myriad of hats on a daily basis and actually become quite good at taking on any role as needed. It is nothing for a mother to go from fellow explorer of the backyard to protective momma bear the minute a threat to danger arises. What is not so natural for many mothers is to reclaim the role of woman. Many of us get lost in motherhood and may struggle to remember who we are as individuals.
It is easy to lose ourselves when we are so focused on serving others; especially needy, demanding, wonderful children that depend on us for everything. It’s a strange custom that we practice in our culture: for nine months a mother-to-be is doted on and pampered and then the baby is born and the attention is completely shifted to the new addition. While pregnant women are often given perks like preferential parking spots and extra servings of food (you’re eating for two now!); new moms often find themselves wondering “when is the last time I took a shower?” Yoga pants and ponytails quickly replace the days of dressing up to feel pretty or even leaving the house in an unstained shirt. While this can be a normal part of parenting; it is important that mothers take time to also be individuals.
To see if you have lost yourself in motherhood, take this short test:
List 10 things about yourself (interests, hobbies etc.) that are separate from your children.
If you struggled to list even two, or each item on your list started with “I used to…” then you may be part of a big group of moms that struggle with this. Even more frustrating than losing yourself is the overwhelming task of trying to get it back. The good news is, not only is it possible, it’s good for your kids. There is nothing healthier than to model self-care for your children. Our kids need to see that in addition to being mothers, we are also real people.
Start out small. Carve out 10 minutes each day to focus on you. Flip through a non-parenting magazine, paint your nails or eat a snack (without sharing!). Communicate with those around you that you are going to take a few minutes for yourself. Find another mom/friend and work together to give each other a break. Build up to going out for a pedicure or a movie. If it feels like this is impossible with your schedule, aim for once a month. It’s amazing what spending a few minutes on you can do.
For fun, share some of the hats that you wear as a mom and then let me know something you are going to do for yourself today.
Jeremiah 31:25 “For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
You can reach Jamie at 817-680-2016 or by email at Jamie@southlakecounseling.org